I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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