No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
