Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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