Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize