Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
