I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
