My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have fence marks all over my body
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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