Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she looked like the before picture.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
