You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
