apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
