Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
