We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
