I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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