Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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