it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
