just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
