how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.