the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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