I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"