btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program