If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.