I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?