I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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