Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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