I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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