the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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