just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
