You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
