let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
