I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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