So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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