Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
