just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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