The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
