So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
