why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
soo... how was my night?
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