Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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