Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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