shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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