I have demons in me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
