Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
