Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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