he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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