there was a trapeze. enough said
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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