I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
