I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
