I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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