I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
