I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
