There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
