We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
