Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
