Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My pussy is not your playground.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
