whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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