Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
