Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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