Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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