She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
