You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
