Will you blow on my dice?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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