Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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