Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
