I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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