I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
