Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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