i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
