Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
