It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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