My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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