Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize