Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
