Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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