No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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