i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When did angry sex become our thing?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
