a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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