she was so not down for the gang bang
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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