I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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