we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
