i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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