remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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