i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
