I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
